Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids is a collection of essays explaining just that. Even though Meghan Daum, the editor of this collection, intends this title to be taken facetiously, I still dislike it. It seems less like a sly joke and more like an admission, that we, the childfree, are indeed all those things. We are not. The women and (three) men writers in this collection explain their various reasons for not having children. Their reasons v...

"I wish that we had more conversations about childlessness that didn’t force us to approach them from such a defensive place."I found this book mostly refreshing, save for the essay by Lionel Shriver, which struck me as bonkers with its focus on what seemed to me about the pressure to pass on good, European genes. I'm a woman, in my 30s and I never want to have children. Though I personally haven't experienced a lot of the pressure some of the authors in this book have, I wish the default assump...

4.5 stars

I've known since I was a kid that I didn't want to be a mother. I have a distinct memory of being 7 or 8 and joining my own mom and her aunts and cousins on a Memorial Day trip to decorate family graves. In the cemetery, I remember coming across a string of Depression-era headstones for a set of siblings who all died as children and declaring I never wanted to have kids. I don't know why that was the moment it clicked for me, but it was. The women who were there with me all enjoyed a good laugh

Overall, I think this book's importance in our society cannot be expressed enough. I'm so grateful to the author for giving this viewpoint a much-needed voice. I can't count how many times older women have said to me, "Oh, you'll change your mind about having kids when you're older." As if I'm wrong. As if I'm so young and blindly misguided that I will soon come to my senses. These responses are offensive to me. I'm 29 years old, and have very closely considered what route in life I would like t...

This hit the spot. Almost. I wanted to read the perspectives of writers who not only didn't have children but were thrilled with the decision to the point of being relieved that they trusted their intuition, who like me are edified by their decision each passing year rather than being unnerved by it or the social judgment that accompanies it. I found several of my own reasons for being persona non mama scattered throughout, but the BEST and most identifiable for me was the final essay written by...

“At times, I felt like a pioneer, a woman who has had access to countless new opportunities, including the chance to craft a life best suited to her own skills and temperament.”I have been saying for over 20 years now that I don’t want kids. What’s interesting about this book is that it’s most likely going to be read by people who made the same decision long ago—and it won’t be read by those who probably should read it, the ones who ask “Why?” the ones who repeatedly state, “You’ll change your m...

So, here's the deal. I read the first four? five? essays and just had to call it quits. Turns out that I'm just not interested in why people don't want to have kids. I know, totally surprising because I also don't care why people do have kids. You do you and I'll do me. But for those who are perhaps more interested in the premise behind the book, I'm not sure that this book is the best way to find answers or explanations. Just like in real life, sometimes people don't have kids because they are

Much has been written about women "having it all," and the difficulties for women with balancing work and child-rearing. Literature also abounds on the topic of infertility, detailing stories of women who long to have children, but are unable for various reasons. However, very little has been written about making a conscious, well-thought out decision NOT to have children, and even less so from a male perspective. Social groups are plentiful for women who are mothers, from informal playgroups to...

The idea that people who choose not have children are selfish has always been completely preposterous to me. I have two children I completely love and adore, but the reasons I chose to have them were (in my opinion) "selfish, shallow, and self-absorbed" even if the actual raising of them sometimes requires saint-like patience and sacrifice. That is, I desperately wanted my own kids, my own family, little me's to shower with affection. In contrast, I think people who adopt or even those who don't...

Such a necessary essay collection in a society that still glorifies having children, even with the existence of many other paths to fulfillment. I appreciated these writers, mostly women, who shared about their diverse range of reasons for remaining childless – deriving meaning from other worthwhile life pursuits, not feeling a parental instinct, having had negative experiences related to parenting on the receiving end of it, and more. I liked the theme of how most if not all of these writers di...

I received a digital ARC of this title from Netgalley.I will never have children. I made up my mind on this years ago, and now, as I near 30, I have no inclination to change my mind. If I have a 'biological clock,' it's assuredly broken. What else could explain the crawling horror I feel at the prospect of pregnancy? Nope, no babies for this girl. My niece is expecting a baby in a few months, and I'm excited. But, and this is key, I'm excited because I'm not the one having it. I'm looking forwar...

I received this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.I don't want children.At my age, however, this statement is usually met with the response of, "Oh, but you're so young. You'll change your mind."This is not only condescending, but inaccurate (which honestly bothers me more). Not every woman is built to be a mother. Children can be great, sure. But I've never been one to "ooh" and "ahh" over baby pictures, find myself unable to resist pinching baby cheeks, or feel the desire to...

Until about a year ago, I always thought I would eventually have kids. As I made my way through my twenties watching my friends have babies, I would feel the occasional twinge of a biological urge and assumed one day that would be me with the swollen belly and piles of tiny jumpers to organize. I’m not entirely sure what changed, but lately I’ve been pretty convinced that motherhood is not for me. My boyfriend/roommate has always said he doesn’t want children and I believed him, but always kind

I have read just about every “childfree” book ever published. Some are better than others, but they all dwell on the same theme: “we have wisely chosen to live our lives without the burden of children and those who do have children are sheep who have let themselves be brainwashed into the mommy-daddy track.” This book is different. These authors do not offer pat answers or smug assurances that childfree is the only way to go. Each has struggled with the question of why they don’t have children a...

I'm quite disappointed. I had such high hopes. The summary called to me, the intro was stellar and had me nodding in agreement with the editor, and then I started reading the essays. I think that there were only 3 or 4 that spoke to me, the rest were either uninteresting or thoroughly depressing. I'm sorry but I don't think that finding yourself in middle age, unmarried, without children, and coming to terms with that is the same as "deciding" to not have children. I cannot relate to women that

I received an ARC of this from NetGalley in exchange for a review. I don't know what it says about me that the essay that resonated most was written by a man (Geoff Dyer's was GREAT). I found the women's accounts a little to emotionally wrought and apologetic ("I LOVE kids, just don't want my own") and repetitive (got pregnant, didn't work out, it's fine I guess). Not a bunch of new ground covered here for those of us already committed to not having kids, but I guess it's a good thing that the i...

3.5 stars - It was really good.Like most essay collections, some were better than others but I found something interesting or thought provoking in each one. The authors come from very diverse backgrounds, with essays from both men and women, rich and poor, old and young, straight and gay.-------------------------------------------Favorite Quotes: The lack of desire to have a child is innate. It exists outside of my control. It is simply who I am and I can take neither credit nor blame for all th...

I was slightly disappointed that most of the women in the book had actually courted or coveted motherhood for a time - and more missed the window than made an active choice. ironically, I most identified with a male writer's essay because he has always firmly known he didn't want children -- one of only a couple in the book. But still, I found the essays interesting, and I love that the topic is now open for intelligent dialogue.

Ach, I was so excited to read this one but just felt like it didn't really deliver for me. Like a lot of the other reviewers, I identified a lot more with the male authors' essays (I especially liked the last one)- for a book that I assumed was supposed to represent many different authors' reasons/experiences with childlessness, the women's stories felt so similar to me: difficult childhoods, mental/emotional difficulties, just didn't meet the right guy at the right time. I wonder if this is som...