Shave the princess? Inconceivable! The hilarious bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell.

Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses.

When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails--which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise.

This is not a story about finding true love's kiss--it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong.

But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there's Vic, a swole and misogynistic centaur on a mission to expunge himself of the magic that causes him to conjure tea and dainty cupcakes in response to stress. Then there's Tempest, who's determined to become the first dryad lawyer--preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They're joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero, the Sn'archivist who is said to take dictation directly from the gods of Pell. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you've got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas!

In this new escapade set in the magical land of Pell, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly skewer the tropes of fairy tales and create a new kind of fantasy: generous, gently humorous, and inclusive. There might also be otters.

Reader Reviews

Kay

(5/5)

Dec 03, 2024

Another fun romp through Pell with another great cast of quirky characters and a few infrequent nods to characters from Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes. If you aren't familiar with those two stories, The Princess Beard can be enjoyed as a stand-alone; it may be slightly less enjoyable but any fantasy geek will enjoy the many references to various tropes and characters from popular fiction and fairy tales.Despite the title, this is not a straight pastiche of Goldman's The Princess...

Liz (Quirky Cat)

(4/5)

I received a copy of The Princess Beard through NetGalley in exchange for a fair and honest review. The Princess Beard is the third novel in the Tales of Pell series, which is a joint project by Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne. Together these two authors have created a truly inane and amazing world. The Tales of Pell is a world full of fairy tales flipped on their heads, with dozens of stereotypes warped into the funniest ways imaginable. They stretch plots to their extremes, and have oh so

Karrie

Back to Pell with another ragtag group of fantasy tropes with a twist. Led by a bearded princess pirate in training this adventure finds its sea legs early. There are otters, elves, dryads and centaurs. I groaned out loud at a couple of the word plays. The narrator does a great job at many characters but his take on the parrot was over done and grating.

Taylor McCoy

(1/5)

I don’t know that I’ve ever been so mad at a book. Dear reviewers, never link another writer to Terry Pratchett unless they live up to the name. Terry Pratchett means the world to me because he knows how to make a person feel like they need to be better purely through character, story, and witty jokes. This book is the most unsubtle, annoying attempt at satire I’ve ever experienced, and I wish I hadn’t purchased a $30 book for a pretty cover and the promise of Pratchett-Esque writing.

Allie Gerard

I liked this entry in the Tales of Pell series better than Kill the Farm Boy, but not as much as No Country for Old Gnomes (which actually moved me to tears). The authors’ signature offbeat humor remains intact, and I loved the links (some subtle, some less so) to previous books in the series. The pop culture references felt fresh and relevant, and all in all The Princess Beard was exactly what I expected, in the best possible way. I was particularly interested in the character of Tempest, a dry...

Brian

Thank you to NetGalley and DelRey for providing me an eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review. I really enjoyed the previous books in this series (Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes). I knew what I was getting myself into here and knew it would be some much needed levity after reading some heavy non-fiction, fantasy and science fiction titles. The Princess Beard follows the title character, a dryad, a centaur swoleboy, and an un-elfly elf on a piratical journey to buried

Tim Hicks

Ugh. DNF. I gave the first two 3 stars. Of #2 I wrote, "The humour seemed to be aimed at a slightly younger audience than last time, and some of it just seemed to be trying too hard. This would have been better with a third of the jokes removed."Unfortunately that comment stands this time. Now it's aimed at kids who will laugh if you say "booger," no matter how many times you say it. Tales of Pell? I lasted quite a few pages and saw no evidence that this was Pell, or anywhere other than Generic

Sarina

I’m sold by the BookRiot synopsis:“Once upon a time a princess woke up from a long sleep in a magical castle, and…honestly, it wasn’t great. She was hairy and gross and she’d been asleep for a while. At least no creepy prince had come by. That was a relief. So the princess decided to take off on her own, trim her nails, keep her beard, and become a pirate, as one does.” Where can I find this absolute treasure?

Donna

The Princess Beard is a puntastic laugh out loud gigglesnort of a good time read. This adventure of self-discovery is not without the occasional mishap but what doesn’t kill you … This tale is filled with epic wordplay and the occasional shout out to various adventurers past, present and future. I heartily recommend.

Walt

(2/5)

I really enjoyed Kill the Farm Boy. The original created an unlikely fellowship of traveling companions who set out on a mission and braved a fantasy world that targeted and lampooned well-known fantasy tropes. The Princess Beard tries to recreate that formula with a new cast. Unfortunately, the magic was just not there. The book begins with a cursed princess waking up without the aid of a prince. Why did she wake up? Did everyone else in the castle wake up? Those questions are not answered. I c...

Deborah Ross

This is the third “Tale of Pell” I’ve read, and by far the most entertaining. It is, of course, a pirate story, complete with a beard-sporting princess, a dryad in the process of transforming into a carnivorous tree, a pudgy elf, and a centaur whose secret magical weapon involves pelting his enemies with hot tea and sugary pastries. Oh, and the captain – Filthy Lucre – is a parrot in search of the ideal shoulder perch. For me this novel had more structure and cohesiveness than the earlier two, w...

Kelly

Oh, man. These adventures in Pell just keep getting more wonderfully ridiculous. No, wait. I'm wrong. The level of ridiculousness has remained constant in THE BEST WAY. They're just a rollicking ride from beginning to end.The Princess and her beard are no exception. Because waking up after a cursed sleep to find yourself crusty and overgrown is only the beginning of Morgan's journey. I mean, the lady definitely finds herself along the way. And a cause. A cause that strikes her in the deepest par...

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