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Parenting the New Teenager: Raising Happy, Healthy Children in the Age of Anxiety

Parenting the New Teenager: Raising Happy, Healthy Children in the Age of Anxiety

John Duffy
4.2/5 ( ratings)
Read Download
Eight years ago, Dr. John Duffy wrote the ultimate guide for parenting teenagers. In the number one best-selling "The Available Parent," he urged parents to be less authoritarian, and more "available" to their kids. That is, he encouraged them to parent with less fear, judgment and ego clouding their mission of raising competent, resilient teenagers. The landscape of the lives of teenagers, and in fact all of childhood and young adulthood, has changed so wildly since that time, and most people do not see it, or do not seem to entirely get it. This book, a new guide for parents, needed to be written. Because this is a hidden phenomenon, the need for this book is URGENT. Parents are not aware that this shift is happening. In just the past few years, children have had to mature into teen-like thought at earlier and earlier ages. Because of the onslaught of social media and other data available to younger and younger children, we can no longer control the narrative of what information, good or bad, our children are exposed to. So, children as young as eight-years-old are prematurely self-conscious, over-stressed, and overwhelmed. They are developmentally unprepared for so much of the flood of information, thought and emotion they face, and this drives unprecedented anxiety, depression, and even hopelessness in our kids. So, in many ways, saving "teen parenting" for thirteen is now several years too late. All of this stretches the teenager years well beyond nineteen on the back end as well. The formerly predictable arc toward independence, in life and in thought, by twenty-years-old has been a useful guidepost in the past. But the very circumstances that hasten adolescence in the early years also tend to present a lag in the later years. Because they are emotionally overwhelmed early, many young people are still sorting through their sense of self well into their twenties today. In his practice, Dr. Duffy see more and more young people from 18-24 who are struggling with self-regulation issues, stunned by their lack of resilience and spending months, even years, re-grouping. What often looks like a failure to launch is actually the ongoing resolution of adolescent issues. That is to say, the parenting challenges continue for quite some time after nineteen, and it is critical that parents are aware. Much of the shift being described involves an increase in psychological suffering among our young people. Dr. Duffy work with these children many hours a day. The new patterns are not vague. The shift is abundantly clear. And the fallout is overwhelming at best, but devastating in the extreme. Let's review some of the grim realities: -Children report strikingly more stress now than ever before. -Poor self-esteem, and a higher degree of self-loathing, is reported by children now more than ever before. -Body image issues are far more prevalent now than ever before, and at shockingly early ages. -Suicide rates are skyrocketing among young people. This is an alarming, rapidly increasing trend. -We have seen a precipitous rise in school shootings, and other mass shootings, by young people. So, the urgency for this book, the need to recognize and acknowledge this shift, lies in the fact that we are losing young people in record numbers, either literally or figuratively. Consider all the talent and joy and contribution lost when just one teen checks out mentally and/or emotionally, or worse takes her own life. In aggregate, it is possible that we are heading in a direction in which we lose the gifts of countless young people. And, without a doubt, we will all be worse for the loss. The young people who are vulnerable, who struggle to find value in themselves, and feel their feelings so strongly, are the very people we need most right now. They don't recognize their value, but in reality it knows no bounds. We have to save them, for their sake and for our own. And it is critical to note the good that comes with the challenges here. It is often said that teenagers today are soft, entitled and self-absorbed. This could not be further from the truth. They are kind and they are thoughtful and they are worldly. We are unwittingly raising wonderful people who have a thoughtful, compassionate worldview. For parents, the key is understanding. So that when your kid is overwhelmed, and your kid is going to feel overwhelmed; when you kid is exposed to too much, and your kid will be exposed to too much; they know: I have Mom and/or Dad right here with me, and they are my constant. They are my solid. I can go to them, and they are going to be non-judgmental. I know that. I know that I can talk to them and they are going to be there for me unequivocally. And in this nutty world with all of this stimuli, kids need SOME reliable compass. You need to be that compass. It's natural as parents, when anxieties go up, to try to clamp down and control your child, or maybe check out and look the other way, because we are afraid to deal with whatever issue we're faced with. We avoid the difficult conversations because we think it's too early, or that bringing up the topic will "plant a seed," whether it involves drinking, sex, drugs, depression, anxiety, or even suicide. But we do not have that option any more. We have to be open and curious and engaged, fully in the trenches with them. We need to be actively learning their world so that when they need us, we get it. So get into it. Learn it. Even if it's something that you have no interest in. Be interested just because your kid is interested. It's not that hard. And only good can come from that. In order to help them meet their potential, we need to guide them: toward more activity and less screen time; toward reasonable expectations so they are not either over-extending themselves, or opting out of challenges altogether; toward a practical, hopeful view of the future. As parents, we are not powerless to guide our children through the rough waters of a clearly extended adolescence. We need to be available, but we also need to be informed about what our children are going through. None of us ever went through our teen years the way our children are doing so now. We have to actively learn the nature of their world, and engage with them, around every difficult issue, in far more open and deeper ways than ever before. Parenting well, today, requires courage. This book presents layers of practical, urgent advice for all parents. Based on his experience, Dr. John Duffy will lift the veil from the puzzle of parenting a child in today's often overwhelming circumstances. He will help you revise your parenting plan, and bring the joy back into parenting your child. And with you as ally, guide and consultant, your child will have the opportunity to successfully traverse the crowded, confusing highway of childhood and adolescence.
Pages
256
Format
Paperback
Publisher
Mango
Release
September 15, 2019
ISBN
1642500496
ISBN 13
9781642500493

Parenting the New Teenager: Raising Happy, Healthy Children in the Age of Anxiety

John Duffy
4.2/5 ( ratings)
Read Download
Eight years ago, Dr. John Duffy wrote the ultimate guide for parenting teenagers. In the number one best-selling "The Available Parent," he urged parents to be less authoritarian, and more "available" to their kids. That is, he encouraged them to parent with less fear, judgment and ego clouding their mission of raising competent, resilient teenagers. The landscape of the lives of teenagers, and in fact all of childhood and young adulthood, has changed so wildly since that time, and most people do not see it, or do not seem to entirely get it. This book, a new guide for parents, needed to be written. Because this is a hidden phenomenon, the need for this book is URGENT. Parents are not aware that this shift is happening. In just the past few years, children have had to mature into teen-like thought at earlier and earlier ages. Because of the onslaught of social media and other data available to younger and younger children, we can no longer control the narrative of what information, good or bad, our children are exposed to. So, children as young as eight-years-old are prematurely self-conscious, over-stressed, and overwhelmed. They are developmentally unprepared for so much of the flood of information, thought and emotion they face, and this drives unprecedented anxiety, depression, and even hopelessness in our kids. So, in many ways, saving "teen parenting" for thirteen is now several years too late. All of this stretches the teenager years well beyond nineteen on the back end as well. The formerly predictable arc toward independence, in life and in thought, by twenty-years-old has been a useful guidepost in the past. But the very circumstances that hasten adolescence in the early years also tend to present a lag in the later years. Because they are emotionally overwhelmed early, many young people are still sorting through their sense of self well into their twenties today. In his practice, Dr. Duffy see more and more young people from 18-24 who are struggling with self-regulation issues, stunned by their lack of resilience and spending months, even years, re-grouping. What often looks like a failure to launch is actually the ongoing resolution of adolescent issues. That is to say, the parenting challenges continue for quite some time after nineteen, and it is critical that parents are aware. Much of the shift being described involves an increase in psychological suffering among our young people. Dr. Duffy work with these children many hours a day. The new patterns are not vague. The shift is abundantly clear. And the fallout is overwhelming at best, but devastating in the extreme. Let's review some of the grim realities: -Children report strikingly more stress now than ever before. -Poor self-esteem, and a higher degree of self-loathing, is reported by children now more than ever before. -Body image issues are far more prevalent now than ever before, and at shockingly early ages. -Suicide rates are skyrocketing among young people. This is an alarming, rapidly increasing trend. -We have seen a precipitous rise in school shootings, and other mass shootings, by young people. So, the urgency for this book, the need to recognize and acknowledge this shift, lies in the fact that we are losing young people in record numbers, either literally or figuratively. Consider all the talent and joy and contribution lost when just one teen checks out mentally and/or emotionally, or worse takes her own life. In aggregate, it is possible that we are heading in a direction in which we lose the gifts of countless young people. And, without a doubt, we will all be worse for the loss. The young people who are vulnerable, who struggle to find value in themselves, and feel their feelings so strongly, are the very people we need most right now. They don't recognize their value, but in reality it knows no bounds. We have to save them, for their sake and for our own. And it is critical to note the good that comes with the challenges here. It is often said that teenagers today are soft, entitled and self-absorbed. This could not be further from the truth. They are kind and they are thoughtful and they are worldly. We are unwittingly raising wonderful people who have a thoughtful, compassionate worldview. For parents, the key is understanding. So that when your kid is overwhelmed, and your kid is going to feel overwhelmed; when you kid is exposed to too much, and your kid will be exposed to too much; they know: I have Mom and/or Dad right here with me, and they are my constant. They are my solid. I can go to them, and they are going to be non-judgmental. I know that. I know that I can talk to them and they are going to be there for me unequivocally. And in this nutty world with all of this stimuli, kids need SOME reliable compass. You need to be that compass. It's natural as parents, when anxieties go up, to try to clamp down and control your child, or maybe check out and look the other way, because we are afraid to deal with whatever issue we're faced with. We avoid the difficult conversations because we think it's too early, or that bringing up the topic will "plant a seed," whether it involves drinking, sex, drugs, depression, anxiety, or even suicide. But we do not have that option any more. We have to be open and curious and engaged, fully in the trenches with them. We need to be actively learning their world so that when they need us, we get it. So get into it. Learn it. Even if it's something that you have no interest in. Be interested just because your kid is interested. It's not that hard. And only good can come from that. In order to help them meet their potential, we need to guide them: toward more activity and less screen time; toward reasonable expectations so they are not either over-extending themselves, or opting out of challenges altogether; toward a practical, hopeful view of the future. As parents, we are not powerless to guide our children through the rough waters of a clearly extended adolescence. We need to be available, but we also need to be informed about what our children are going through. None of us ever went through our teen years the way our children are doing so now. We have to actively learn the nature of their world, and engage with them, around every difficult issue, in far more open and deeper ways than ever before. Parenting well, today, requires courage. This book presents layers of practical, urgent advice for all parents. Based on his experience, Dr. John Duffy will lift the veil from the puzzle of parenting a child in today's often overwhelming circumstances. He will help you revise your parenting plan, and bring the joy back into parenting your child. And with you as ally, guide and consultant, your child will have the opportunity to successfully traverse the crowded, confusing highway of childhood and adolescence.
Pages
256
Format
Paperback
Publisher
Mango
Release
September 15, 2019
ISBN
1642500496
ISBN 13
9781642500493

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