DUDE, YOU'RE PREGNANT!: An Unserious Guide for the Pregnant Husband and Newborn Daddy

5/5 ( ratings)

"Dude, You’re Pregnant! —An Unserious Guide for the Pregnant Husband and Newborn Daddy" is a humorous, tongue-in-cheek, irreverent “manual” written from a guy’s perspective. It offers dubious advice and pokes fun at the vast majority of males who are rightly considered to be incompetent dunderheads in the arts of dealing with a pregnant mate and the newborn poop machine.

Though this is written by a man making fun of men, it si for a;; current and prospective parents of all genders--who also enjoy laughing at men.

"Dude, You’re Pregnant!" is a simple, fun and fast read. The first half of the Guide shepherds the oblivious man through his mate’s various pregnancy crises and his expected roles in support of her. These include dealing with her heightened suspicions of his monogamous resolve, her radical body changes and fanatical nesting instincts, as well as the baffling world of birthing classes, baby showers, and childbirth professionals. It describes the panic that erupts when her labor begins, as in this passage from Chapter 15:

"Another contraction.

While digging through the Baby Bug-Out Bag for the car keys you realize with horror that you drank the Johnnie Walker and hadn’t replaced it. Plus, you’re out of beers. In the dark, you stub your bare toe against a wall, and looking down while cursing, you realize you aren’t wearing pants. You consider stopping by the store to get some birthing center beers. No, no! No time for that! Besides, it’s after 2 am; the stores are closed.

Wait, do you even have any cash? Where the hell’s your wallet? Do you have to pay the middle-wife? What do you tip a doodah?

Another contraction. Her water breaks and floods the floor. She looks at you, eyes wide, hoping you have the competence to get her to the birthing center.

Should you get some rags to clean up the floor? Or paper towels? Is the baby going to come out on the floor next? Should you get a pillow for it?

Another contraction. Your wife is looking at you hopelessly, her eyes glazed, as she crawls for the door."

The second half of "Dude, You’re Pregnant!" offers guidance for the befuddled Newborn Dad on important baby-related topics such as burping, bathing, and transporting baby; as well as excuses to avoid changing diapers and--when those fail--how to change a dirty diaper without vomiting. Additional how-to advice includes the intricacies of childproofing, finding a babysitter, and Dad’s postpartum depression. The guide’s grand finale is a frightening and comical description of Dad’s vasectomy.