Rage No More

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Section I

Rage No MoreTM
Introduction
Chapter 1 – Awareness
Chapter 2 – Toxic Chemicals
Chapter 3 – Honesty and Denial
Chapter 4 – Motivations and Feelings

Introduction

Hello and welcome! Congratulations on taking your first step to break free from the life-damaging effects of rage. I applaud you for taking this courageous step forward into the rest—and I believe the best—of your life!
Because you’ve expressed a curiosity about rage, I would guess that your life appears more or less successful to someone looking in at you from the outside. But by the fact you’ve taken this step to get further information, you could be at a very miserable and unstable point in your life. You could be feeling there is a raging beast inside you, just waiting for the opportunity to jump out and mess up your life all over again. Perhaps you have experienced some devastating losses as a result of a loss of control and are desperate to prevent losing even more. If this sounds like you, listen on.
With respect to behavior patterns, you may be substituting “having fun” , for the rich joy of just being happy and satisfied with your life overall. You could be feeling powerless, helpless, hopeless, and out of control and feel nothing you do controls the many stressors coming at you from all sides.
You could be taking bigger and bigger risks in order to feel alive; just to feel something—anything! Are you drinking double or triple shot caffeinated drinks, or those powerful energy drinks loaded with brain-irritating chemicals, and/or excessive amounts of soda loaded with sugar or aspartame?
You could even be putting yourself through punishing physical workouts to the point of exhaustion or engaging in extreme sports despite the associated dangers, just so you can feel pumped up on the power of adrenalin moving through your body.
Your personality could tend to be highly competitive, stopping at nothing, including physical violence, just to WIN!! Along with this you might hear yourself arguing with someone, saying things like, “I’ll prove it to you!!!” or “I’ll show you!!” along with “Just you wait!!”
When those stop working, have you been tempted to turn to illicit drugs for energy and/or relaxation, taking greater and greater risks until you bomb out, get hurt, get caught or your money runs out? Even then, most continue sticking their head in the sand and praying it will go away on its own, until there comes that day—the day you really blow it and finally realize you can no longer go on pretending to yourself and others that everything is “fine”.
On the other hand, do you try controlling your rage by demanding the people closest to you change themselves in ways designed to make you more comfortable or “in control”? Inside you have to know the behavior of others is not within your control no matter how hard you try or what you threaten them with. The difficult truth is that the only person you have the power to change is yourself. And, if this sounds like you, that time is NOW
None of what you’ve done up until now has brought you a happy, fulfilled life! Intellectually, you know your behavior pattern almost always leads to personal disaster and that may be why you’re attending this introduction to the Rage No More™ Workbook Course.
Personally, I know how difficult it can be to make a solid commitment to changing your own personality. It was for me. I grew up in a home with parents who tried to “mold” me into who they wanted me to be, to make me be the person who would reflect well on them. But that wasn’t me. I resisted them and fought so hard to resist change and be who and what I wanted to be that in the end, many years later, it took the threat of losing my own child before I finally surrendered to the fact that something had to change—I had to change!
I hope you’re going to remember this day as one of the most important in your life. Today you could be making the most important investment in your future—today you’re showing up for you!
For my part, I promise that while this process will not be the easiest thing you have ever done, it will be simple to follow. When the 12 weeks are over—if you do the daily exercises—you will come to understand yourself as never before. You will know why you are as you are, and you will have the tools to change what you want to change. You and only you will be the author of that change.
When we’re babies and during early childhood, adults are in completely in charge. They pick us up and put us where they want. They feed us, change us, bathe us, and clothe us on their schedule. Cry and fuss as we may, we have no meaningful control over our lives.
As we struggle to get our wants and needs met, we soon learn that the louder we cry and the more unpleasant we are, the sooner our desires are fulfilled. Unfortunately, we also learn that adults don’t always react in kind and loving ways when we get on their “last nerve.”
To help clarify your issues, Rage No More™ uses slightly different definitions of “anger” and “rage” than those you may have seen previously.
These definitions are based on whether the incident arises from the present situation as you encounter it versus being triggered in the present but immediately reactivates “stuffed” feelings buried from childhood.
Stuffed feelings are the ones we deliberately pushed out of our conscious memory into our subconscious and thereby were not allowed to resolve. This definition of rage takes into consideration the explosiveness of your reaction to what you see as a provocation.

Anger vs. Rage
Anger Rage
Arises from the current situation as you experience it in the here and now without any relationship to past events Is triggered by a present event but immediately recalls memories rooted in your subconscious mind from feelings you were forced to “stuff’ and/or left unresolved from childhood
Has an immediately identifiable cause; a simplistic example would be, “You stepped on my toe!” Since the cause is past emotional pain from early childhood trauma, you can seldom identify any one cause, even to yourself
Has an immediate expression, “That hurts; you’re stepping on my toe!” When the remote cause cannot be consciously recalled, how can you tell anyone what is bothering you? You have inappropriate outbursts without recognizing their true cause
Has an immediate and proportional remedy: “Get off my toe!” Should a verbal request not immediately bring relief, a proportionate push is enough to relieve your pain without doing him/her injury, nor do you harbor negative feelings Without an identifiable cause, you rage to diffuse the overwhelming rush of feelings and emotions because you don’t see any other good way to go. Your outburst is ineffectual in relieving the remote cause, but you don’t know what else to do.

While many people, even experts, use the words “anger” and “rage” interchangeably, this slightly different shading is useful for ideas that will be introduced in this and later chapters. For now, just familiarize yourself with the differences above.

My Story: This will be included in the final book but is not available here

In the following chapters, I’ll continue my story but right now are you wondering how you can begin your own journey?
Our human personality is a complex of layers and layers, covering more layers and layers. Your starting point is to begin peeling back the layers of that “multi-layered onion” that is your rage. As you reduce the addictions you use to mask your true feelings, awareness of your thoughts and emotions from your childhood will re-emerge and you’ll come to understand how situations around you in the present recreate the emotions that in turn result in rage.
To change anything, you must first become fully aware of it. Section I covers the basic “tools” you’ll need to be successful in changing your behavior.
Chapter 1 is about cultivating a real awareness of your thought processes as your first step in understanding why you think and behave as you do.
Chapter 2 discusses the hundreds of toxic chemicals you likely, but unknowingly, consume in everyday food and drink which physically irritate your brain and make it primed to rage.
Chapter 3 covers becoming completely honest with yourself and the role that denial plays in preventing you from seeing your world as it really is.
Chapter 4 deals with your underlying motivations and feelings and suggests some modifications that will make getting what you really want in life easier and more satisfying. It will also provide insight into a deeper understanding of motivations, both your own and others’.
Section II is all about the RAGE, preparing for and understanding how to ”Rage with a Purpose”, and the way to use the information you receive during a controlled rage to unwind the mysteries of your explosive anger.
In Section III you work with the self-knowledge your “Rage with a Purpose” unveils and learn how use that knowledge to free yourself from the prison of your rage. You’ll learn new ways of relating to others, developing compassion and empathy for those in your life—including yourself—and ways to move out of the shadows and into the light.
Side bar here:
It is critically important that you understand and fully accept that change is a process, not an event!
To be manageable, meaningful change takes time, persistence, and patience with yourself but, more than anything else, it takes an unbreakable commitment to your own personal goal.
To act differently, you must think differently and, while others demand that you change, they cannot tell you how to change. That is up to you and you alone.
Until now, change required stepping into the unknown, blind, without a guidebook, roadmap, or a hand to hold along the way. Rage No More gives you suggestions on methods of change, offers guidance and alternatives, but you remain the author of your change. You stay in charge!
The process detailed in Sections I, II, and III is what you can expect from Rage No More; but what do we expect of you? To be successful you will need to commit the time and attention necessary to fully develop the information you are given. There are no shortcuts.
You’ll also be expected to keep an open mind. “I don’t do that” is the most frequent excuse people use to avoid digging into the muck of their own emotional cesspool. They’ve used it all their lives to evade responsibility and to avoid doing the emotional work required to feel their feelings, understand their emotions, and peel back the layers covering what happened during their childhood.
When you hear yourself saying things like “I don’t do ____________”, I suggest asking yourself this question: “How or in what way do I ______________”? rather than simply glossing over a suggestion. I believe your results will surprise you; they really surprised me!
It isn’t easy, but the consequences of rage can be far, far worse than facing up to yourself and discovering why you are as you are.
The exercises in Rage No More are designed to inspire insight into understanding yourself well enough to make positive changes you can be comfortable with.
Most of all, you are expected to not quit on yourself!
While I admit there were many times I felt like quitting, I found walking through the rage is like Pandora’s Box, once the door to self-knowledge is opened, it can’t be shut again. There’s a song that says something like when you’re going through hell you better keep on moving so you can get out before the devil discovers you’re there.
The primary motive that kept me going even when I was at my lowest was a deep, abiding conviction that I would heal, the pain would go away, I would feel better, and my life would get easier.
If you’re tempted to quit on yourself, try this affirmation: “I am healing. The pain is going away. I feel better about myself. My life is easier every day.” Even if you don’t believe it at first, keep on trying! Change does happen!
Becoming rage-free takes commitment. If you’re ready to make that commitment to yourself, your loved ones, your career, and your own peace of mind, you are invited to click on the link below for information on how you can begin your process to Rage No More.
I’m looking forward to assisting you into a new and brighter chapter of your life!
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