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When You Say Yes But Mean No When You Say Yes But Mean No When You Say Yes But Mean No

When You Say Yes But Mean No When You Say Yes But Mean No When You Say Yes But Mean No

Leslie Perlow
0/5 ( ratings)
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We live in a culture-especially at work--that prefers harmony over discord, agreement over dissent, speed over deliberation. We often smile and nod to each other even though deep down we couldnot disagree more. Whether with colleagues, friends, or family members, the tendency to paper over differences rather than confront them is extremely common. We believe that the best thing to do to preserve ourrelationships and to ensure that our work gets done as expeditiously as possible is to silence conflict.
Let's face it, most bosses don't encourage us to share our differences.Indeed, many people are taught that
loyal employees accept corporate values, policies, and decisions-never challenging or questioning them. If we want to hold on to our jobs and move up in ourorganizations, stifling conflict is the safest way to do it-or so we believe.
And it is not just with our bosses that we fear raising a dissenting opinion. We worry about what our peers andeven our subordinates may think of us. We don't want to embarrass ourselves or create a bad impression. We don't want to lose others' respect or risk rejection.
We oftenassociate conflict with its negative form-petty bickering, heated arguing, a bloody fight. But conflict can also be a source of creative energy; when handled constructively by both parties, differences can leadto a healthy and fruitful collaboration, creation, or construction of new knowledge or solutions. When we silence conflict, we avoid the possibility of negative conflict, but we also miss the potential for constructiveconflict.
Worse yet, as Leslie Perlow documents, the act of silencing conflict may create the consequences we most dread. Tasks frequently take longer or never get done successfully, and silencingconflict over important issues with people for whom we care deeply can result in disrespect for, and devaluing of, those same people.
Each time we silence conflict, we create an environment in whichwe're all the more likely to be silent next time. We get caught in a vicious "silent spiral," making the relationship progressively less safe, less satisfying, and less productive. Differencesget glossed over, patched over, and suppressed . . . until disaster happens.
"Saying yes when you really mean no" is a problem that haunts organizations from start-ups tomulti-
nationals. It exists across industries, levels, and functions. And it's exacerbated by a down economy, when the fear of losing one's job is on everybody's mind and the idea ofallowing conflict to surface or disagreeing with others seems particularly risky. All too often, the conversation at work bespeaks harmony and togetherness, even though passionate disagreements exist beneath the surface.
Leslie A. Perlow is a corporate ethnographer, an anthropologist of corporate culture. Anthropologists like Margaret Mead spend years in the field studying exotic cultures. Perlow does the same, althoughthe field for her is the office and the exotic people are us-those who work in the world of organizations. But the end result is no less surprising or rich in insight. Whether it's a Fortune 500 firm, small business, or government bureaucracy, Perlow provides a keen understanding of the hidden issues behind what people say . And more important, she shows how to create relationships whereindividuals feel empow
Language
English
Pages
256
Format
ebook
Release
January 01, 2003
ISBN 13
9781400049844

When You Say Yes But Mean No When You Say Yes But Mean No When You Say Yes But Mean No

Leslie Perlow
0/5 ( ratings)
Read Download
We live in a culture-especially at work--that prefers harmony over discord, agreement over dissent, speed over deliberation. We often smile and nod to each other even though deep down we couldnot disagree more. Whether with colleagues, friends, or family members, the tendency to paper over differences rather than confront them is extremely common. We believe that the best thing to do to preserve ourrelationships and to ensure that our work gets done as expeditiously as possible is to silence conflict.
Let's face it, most bosses don't encourage us to share our differences.Indeed, many people are taught that
loyal employees accept corporate values, policies, and decisions-never challenging or questioning them. If we want to hold on to our jobs and move up in ourorganizations, stifling conflict is the safest way to do it-or so we believe.
And it is not just with our bosses that we fear raising a dissenting opinion. We worry about what our peers andeven our subordinates may think of us. We don't want to embarrass ourselves or create a bad impression. We don't want to lose others' respect or risk rejection.
We oftenassociate conflict with its negative form-petty bickering, heated arguing, a bloody fight. But conflict can also be a source of creative energy; when handled constructively by both parties, differences can leadto a healthy and fruitful collaboration, creation, or construction of new knowledge or solutions. When we silence conflict, we avoid the possibility of negative conflict, but we also miss the potential for constructiveconflict.
Worse yet, as Leslie Perlow documents, the act of silencing conflict may create the consequences we most dread. Tasks frequently take longer or never get done successfully, and silencingconflict over important issues with people for whom we care deeply can result in disrespect for, and devaluing of, those same people.
Each time we silence conflict, we create an environment in whichwe're all the more likely to be silent next time. We get caught in a vicious "silent spiral," making the relationship progressively less safe, less satisfying, and less productive. Differencesget glossed over, patched over, and suppressed . . . until disaster happens.
"Saying yes when you really mean no" is a problem that haunts organizations from start-ups tomulti-
nationals. It exists across industries, levels, and functions. And it's exacerbated by a down economy, when the fear of losing one's job is on everybody's mind and the idea ofallowing conflict to surface or disagreeing with others seems particularly risky. All too often, the conversation at work bespeaks harmony and togetherness, even though passionate disagreements exist beneath the surface.
Leslie A. Perlow is a corporate ethnographer, an anthropologist of corporate culture. Anthropologists like Margaret Mead spend years in the field studying exotic cultures. Perlow does the same, althoughthe field for her is the office and the exotic people are us-those who work in the world of organizations. But the end result is no less surprising or rich in insight. Whether it's a Fortune 500 firm, small business, or government bureaucracy, Perlow provides a keen understanding of the hidden issues behind what people say . And more important, she shows how to create relationships whereindividuals feel empow
Language
English
Pages
256
Format
ebook
Release
January 01, 2003
ISBN 13
9781400049844

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